Before
by The Pippinatorformely Maddhu
Summary: **FINALLY UPDATED!!***This is 20yrs before alanna and every1 else. The pages and squires are training hard, and you'll have to read it and see what happens. Rating now r because of murder. don't worry. it wont go NC17
1. Default Chapter

Before

Before.

Disclaimer: Tamora Pierce owns Tortall. I own the characters who you will not find in any of the pages in ANY of the Tamora Pierce books(except young Roald and Lianne) 

A/N: some of you Australians or possibly Brits, may notice I have used the names the Aussie and British cricketer(past and present, state and county reps as well as international) into knights. Why? Because I felt like it so na-na!(p.s. I never meant to offend any Brits, but I'm a strong, patriotic Aussie, who likes my "boys" to win!!) The personalities of the characters are completely different to the real thing as I have just used the names. Anyone who is confused send me an email at [madb@ihug.com.au][1] Right, all settled, let's gooooooooooo……

Setting: 10-20 years before Alanna and the crew come along

**Midsummer. **

"Page Brett!" A stern, gray haired man, about 35 spoke sternly to a blond haired youth about 14

"Yes My Lord Chappell?" The boys voice was tentative, a little wary.

"Am I to believe that you fell down again?" Brett looked down at his tunic, which was covered in blood, dirt, hay and horse droppings.

"I did fall down."

"I think you were in a fight again. Possibly with a certain Squire Andrew of fief Caddick?" 

"I fell down my lord.Squire Andrew was not involved."

"Very well. Go and see the healers. That arm looks bad." Brett bowed to Lord Chappell and escaped. Once he was outside he lent on the door, exhausted.

"Brett, are you alright?" Another teen, about the same height as Brett, with dirty blond/brown hair, deep set eyes and a thin frame stood in front of Brett, blue eyes full of concern.

"I'm fine, that bastard Caddick though, boy, is he going to get it!"

"I take it you fell down again huh?"

"Nathan, how many times has he beaten you?"  
Nathan's face clouded for a moment. "let's see, about 12. He likes you better, you're more padded than me." 

Brett managed a weak laugh. Then he grimaced, a bolt of pain had struck through his arm.   
"Here, let me." It wasn't Nathan who spoke, it was an older man, about 20, the newly knighted Damien of Fleming Forest. He was a distant relative of the Conte's, and had the same features as them, sharp nose, blue diamond eyes, coal black hair and an ice blue gift. 

"No!" Panted Brett, now drunk with pain. One look at Nathan convinced him he was going to be healed now. His best friend was the most stubborn of all the pages. He got it from his mother, Alexandria of Trebond.(Alanna's great Aunt)

Brett winced as the ice blue fire covered his arm. He hated the healing process. It seemed like a crutch, something for the weak to lean on. He didn't have it. Nor did Nathan, which was odd, for they both came from families known for their sorcerers and healers. The boys made up for it with their skill at weaponry. 

"Argh!" A sharp jolt brought Brett back to earth.

"All done. That was some hard falling down you did lad." Sir Damien looked quizzically at Brett who blushed. 

"It was Caddick, wasn't it?" Brett's blushed deepened. 

"If you keep blushing Brett, you'll be the same colour as Mother's hair." Joked Nathan, who was rewarded with a sneer that only those of Lake Lee could produce. 

"You going to be alright?" Damien's quizzical look changed to one of concern.

"I'll be fine, if the little Lord of Bracken Point doesn't make me over exert myself."   
"I dispute that, you're the one who always has to do everything right now, before anyone else!" Nathan rose to the bait Brett had given him with tremendous aplomb. Brett rolled his eyes at Damien, who shook his head and wandered off. 

"Come, dear invalid, supper is soon, my stomach rumbles, and your pride, which is probably sore after falling down, is in need of replenishing, so how's about a game of chess?" Nathan watched his friend smile, knowing that he had picked Brett's favourite indoor game. Nathan however, hated chess, hated being indoors. He was shocking at chess. He clapped Brett on the shoulder and they went down the corridor, to the pages wing, where they would attempt to play a fair game of chess, where Nathan wouldn't fall asleep and Brett wouldn't help him get into tight spots. 

*~*~*~*

   [1]: mailto:madb@ihug.com.au



	2. Supper

SUPPER

SUPPER

Nathan and Brett were on time for supper, lining up with all the other boys for the food. Brett stifled a laugh as he heard Nathan's stomach growl, hungry for food.

The two boys sat down in their assigned spots, next to Nathan's cousin, Alan of Trebond (Alanna's dad) and Brad of Haddin Head.

"Fallen down again Brett?" a page, with a well-rounded face, baby blue eyes and scruffy brown hair had come up behind Brett. 

"Yep, can't seem to stop it. I have an uncontrollable desire to be horizontal all the time, know the feeling Ricky?" The pages all burst into laughter. 

"Maybe one day there'll be a girl between you and the ground, if you know what I mean." Called a page with a tanned face, largish nose and an almost puppy dog-like expression.

"Very funny Michael!" called back Brett.

"All right, let's have some silence in here!" Lord Chappell was back, standing at the dais at the front of the dinning hall. All the boys fell silent. 

"May Mithros guide you on the harsh path to Knighthood." a short prayer, compared to the usual drabble.

"So mote it be." the boys sat down and began to eat, Nathan devouring everything in a matter of minutes. 

"Finished already?" asked Brad, a softly spoken young man, who was a wizard at jousting. 

Nathan nodded, swallowed and said; "looking after his lordship makes you hungry."

Brett growled, and would have flung his mashed potato at his friend's head, if a shadow hadn't fallen across the table, the shadow of a certain Squire Andrew. 

"Fell down again Bretty Boy?" he sneered

"I see your ears are big enough to hear everything." Nathan's voice was cool.

"Humph. I see the Page from the Lake of wee has a crony. Honestly Nathan, I expected better of you." Nathan began to rise out of his seat, but Brett grabbed his shoulder. "I can fight my own battles." he hissed in his friend's ear. Nathan fumed silently in his seat, as Andrew wandered off. 

"You should have let me pound him. I have my honor too, y'know." Nathan was upset. He wouldn't have minded a month's punishment work for the chance to pound Andrew. 

Brett shook his head. "You're to violent for your own good Nathan. C'mon, let's go, we've got all that homework to do."Nathan's face became a mock mask of terror. He hated homework more than chess. Brett laughed, as did Brad. Alan hadn't lifted his head from his book since he'd sat down. Still laughing, Brett and Brad ran out of the dining hall, being chased by Nathan.

*~*~*~*~*

"Right, we've been studying for an hour, let's have some fun." Nathan sprang up from his seat, grabbed a long-staff from the wall, tossed it to Brett, and got one for himself. Brad excused himself, saying he was going to bed. 

"Right, Page Brett of Lake Lee, I challenge thee to a duel." Nathan spoke in a mock serious tone. 

"I accept, page Nathan of Bracken Point." Brett was equally mock serious.

They crossed staves, and began, Nathan lunging, going for Brett's head, Brett blocked, and was rewarded with a light tap on the foot. He yelped half in jest, half in serious pain and was given a light tap on the head.  
"It isn't bloody fair." He muttered

"'course it isn't. It isn't meant to be." Brett sneered and threw himself at Nathan who dodged. Brett would have gone headfirst into the door,if the two pages that had been jesting with Brett at dinner hadn't opened it. Brett careened into Page Rick of Ponting Place. Michael of Cape Kasprowizmerely sighed, and pulled the two boys up.

"And for what reason do you not knock at our door?" asked Brett primly.

"Here, I think you've knocked his brains out!" exclaimed Michael.

"Nah, he doesn't have any left." Taunted Nathan. Brett chose not to rise to the bait.

"We're here because of the beauty whose just arrived, wait 'till you see her! And by the way, you guys are supposed to be serving wine at the ball! We had to cover and say you were at the infirmary!" Ricky threw all this at the boys who then swore, and hurtled out the door, down the hallway, to where the ball was held. 


	3. The ball-part 1

Chapter3

"Right, we've been studying for an hour, let's have some fun." Nathan sprang up from his seat, grabbed a long-staff from the wall, tossed it to Brett, and got one for himself. Brad excused himself, saying he was going to bed. 

"Right, Page Brett of Lake Lee, I challenge thee to a duel." Nathan spoke in a mock serious tone. 

"I accept, page Nathan of Bracken Point." Brett was equally mock serious.

They crossed staves, and began, Nathan lunging, going for Brett's head, Brett blocked, and was rewarded with a light tap on the foot. He yelped half in jest, half in serious pain and was given a light tap on the head.  
"It isn't bloody fair." He muttered

"'course it isn't. It isn't meant to be." Brett sneered and threw himself at Nathan who dodged. Brett would have gone headfirst into the door,if the two pages that had been jesting with Brett at dinner hadn't opened it. Brett careened into Page Ricky of Ponting Place. Michael of Cape Kasprowiz merely sighed, and pulled the two boys up.

"And for what reason do you not knock at our door?" asked Brett primly.

"Here, I think you've knocked his brains out!" exclaimed Michael.

"Nah, he doesn't have any left." Taunted Nathan. Brett chose not to rise to the bait.

"We're here because of the beauty whose just arrived, wait 'till you see her! And by the way, you guys are supposed to be serving wine at the ball! We had to cover and say you were at the infirmary!" Ricky threw all this at the boys who then swore, and hurtled out the door, down the hallway, to where the ball was held. 

*~*~*

"Would my Lord and lady care for a drink?" Brett offered the wine to a sturdy man, talking to a young lady. They nodded and he refilled their cups. He then wandered towards the center of the room, where there were many young man, all clamoring to get a. glimpse of the person in the center of the circle. 

"My, I'm parched!" a melodic voice, with a trace of a northern accent could be heard. Brett pushed through the young men, and saw a sight that made him need a cold swim in the lake. 

The girl had rosy cheeks, red lips, green eyes, a pert nose, flowing chestnut hair, porcelain skin and most importantly for Brett, an expansive bosom. 

"Would my Lady like a drink?" he bowed, and offered her a fresh cup, filled with wine. 

"Thank you." She smiled at Brett, making him feel as though he could jump as high as the roof of the world. He bowed again, and trotted off, not noticing the glares he received from the other squires, knights and noblemen.   
_Where's Nathan? I wonder if he's met "the vision" _Brett spotted Nathan talking to someone, whose face Brett couldn't see. He wandered past, and saw Nathan was talking to the newly knighted Sir Mark of the Barony Waugh. Sir Mark was twin to the Baron Sir Stephen Waugh, who had taken over the barony, after the twins father died. Mark however, was known for hating that sort of thing, and had wanted to stay a knight.

"Excuse me, Brett, you couldn't spare you're brother a cup of wine, could you?" Brett turned and was greeted by his brother, Sir Shane of Lake Lee. 

"Shane!" Brett hugged his brother one armed, so's not to spill the pitcher of wine. 

"I'm glad to see you too." The older man laughed, his big throaty voice filling the room, rising over the hubbub off the great hall. 

"Come, dear brother, tell me, have you fallen down recently?" The two brothers wandered off, talking excitedly. 

*~*~*

Nathan listen intently to every word Sir Mark spoke. 

"So Nathan, have you met Lady Eliza of fief Callas?" Nathan shook his head.

"oh, why not?" Sir Mark, who was probably only 25, seemed to loom over Nathan, who was one of the tallest boys in the gang of pages.

"Don't like girls." Nathan's face crinkled at the memory of his mother trying to get him to co-operate with an engagement that she'd been organizing. Thank Mithros he'd revolted the mother so much he'd gotten out of it.

"Ah. Wise fellow. Wiser than whatsisname, you know, second son of the Lake Lee's." Sir Mark jerked his thumb in the direction of Brett, talking to Shane, with a dreamy expression on his face. 

"you mean Brett. He's my best friend."

"Isn't he Caddick's punching bag?" Sir Mark had that look of concern most adults wore when talking about Andrew.

"Him and me both, Sir." Mark lifted an eyebrow. Nathan could tell he was about to ask questions, and he didn't want to get in any more trouble with Andrew. 

"If my lord will excuse me, I don't want to run into trouble with Lord Chappell.

"Yes, of course. Run along."(A/N as if Mark Waugh, the almighty Mark Waugh would say that! Huh!) Nathan walked off, leaving the knight wondering what the boy was hiding.


	4. The ball part2

Chapter4

BACK TO BRETT

"What's her name?" he asked his brother

"Lady Eliza of fief Callas. She's trouble, a fussy lady. I rode into Tortall with her. She complained the whole way about her dress getting muddy."

Brett didn't hear him. His eyes were all for her, sitting only a metre away. 

Shane sighed. Seemed his younger brother was growing up. 

"So, Brett how's Nathan?" No answer

"How's the archery going?"

"Hello, my mouth is opening and shutting is any sound getting out?" Shane was becoming frustrated. 

"What-Oh…nice talking to you Shane, see you round." Brett stood and positively _floated _away, bumping into several people, a suit of armour and a wall caused Shane and several other knights, including Sir Mark and Sir Damien had to lean on the walls to stop themselves falling down, hysterical with laughter. The pages Ricky, Michael and Brad all had humongous coughing attacks. The sight of Brettapologizing to a wall for bumping into to it was too much, and Nathan lost his cool and gave way to laughter, sliding down the wall, to where he wouldn't be seen. 

Brett, after apologizing to the wall, somehow made it back to his room without incident. He flopped on his bed and closed his eyes. Visions of Eliza floated past. Brett Drifted off to sleep, still dressed in his page's uniform, with a huge grin on his face. And, as Nathan, Ricky, Brad and Michael passed, a tad tipsy with laughter and wine , on the way to their rooms, they noticed that Brett had left the door open. They peered in and had hysterics when they noticed that Brett had erected a nice little pyramid under his tunic.

A/N I know that was short, but I've got cricket training. More later I promise!!!!!!


	5. bad start to a beautiful day

Sad Beginnings 

Sad Beginnings 

Brett woke to a thud. He heard someone mutter "Mithros" and smiled. Nathan must've fallen out of bed. 

Brett's thoughts traveled back to last night. Did it really happen? Did she really smile at him? 

Brett looked in the mirror and noticed he'd gone to sleep in his tunic. He ran a hand through his floppy blond hair, noting he needed to "refresh" it. (A/N he needs to peroxide it) He changed his clothes, putting on a faded white shirt, and tan breeches. As the pages were only required to wear the uniform in the afternoon, at lessons and balls, they could wear whatever old clothes they had for practice in the morning.

Brett opened the door, instead opened the air because the door was already open. (A/N try it sometime, or better yet get someone else to "open the door that ain't there" its silly!) He stumbled out into the corridor. 

He then made it safely to the dining hall. 

"A little early to be up isn't it, Bretty boy?" Brett groaned inwardly. Andrew stood in front of him, arms akimbo.

"Does it matter to you Caddick?" Brett wished he had Nathan's cool. 

"OH it matters a lot, Bretty boy. You see, because no one else is up at this hour but you and me¸ no-one will see you 'fall'." The boy's face was evil, twisted and made Brett want to throw up.

Andrew advanced, until he and Brett were nose to nose. Then he brought his knee up into Brett's stomach. Brett went oomph. He doubled over, as if in pain (which he was) Brett then used a trick that the Shang Ocean Crossing Elephant (A/N give me a little poetic license!) had taught him. He threw his head at Andrew, pushing him into the wall. Andrew let the wind be knocked out of him temporarily, before kicking Brett hard, in the face. Brett grunted and flipped back, out of the way.

"Afraid to fight are you Bretty Boy? Afraid I'll spoil your looks?"  
Suddenly Andrew was face down on the floor.Someone in a blue shirt and black pants was hitting him furiously, breathing in sobs. From the colour of the boy's hair, he could tell it was Nathan.

"You bastard, you pig. What did you do with her?" Nathan looked up and Brett saw tears falling down his face.

"Where is she? You demon!" Brett stood there paralyzed with fear and confusion. Nathan let go of Andrew and the boy laid there, face a bloody mess. 

Tears streamed down Nathan's face and he sunk to his knee's, letting the sobs tear out of his wiry body. Brett couldn't move. He was aware of a presence behind him. 

It was Michael. "Go get my brother!" he whispered. Michael took off, running very fast. Brett felt like he was in another universe. Watching his friend, who usually kept his cool. And to see Andrew on the floor was another strange sight. But when Brett looked again, Andrew wasn't on the floor. He was in front of Brett and held a dagger. It had blood on it. Brett unfroze. He grabbed Andrew's arm, deflecting the dagger. He pulled it out of the older boy's grip and slammed it into the wall. Andrew swung a right hook at Brett, who dodged and came up with a shang kick, designed to make your opponent unconscious. It worked. Andrew slumped to the floor. Brett stood, frozen again. Nathan sat on the floor, hugging his knees to himself, rocking back and forth, and whispering "no, no" over and over again. Brett was dimly aware of people coming towards him. Shane, Damien, Mark, Michael and a knight he didn't recognize. 

"Brett what happened?" Damien was kneeling beside Andrew, healing him fast. Shane was beside his brother, asking the question. 

"Andrew attacked me. And then, all of a sudden Nathan came at him, screaming something. And then…."Brett trailed off. He looked around. Most of the pages were there, Michael, Ricky, Alan, Jeremy, Grant, and various others. But there was one person missing. It hit him.

"Where's Brad, of Haddin Head?" he returned to the real world, speaking snappily. He broke away from his brother's hold and tore down the corridor, to Brad's room. There he found the main part of the room empty. He searched, looking in the privy. No one was there. Brett knew where Brad would be, with his betrothed, Nicola of Bracken Point. Nathan's younger sister. The one Andrew had been in love with. 

She'd been in love with Brad. Brett ran. Old memories filtered through his head.

_"She's beautiful." Brad's voice, when he'd first met Nicola._

_"Watch your back Haddin, Nicola's mine." Andrew, competing with Brad for a 12 year olds love._

_"Oh! Brett, its wonderful, I'm engaged, to Brad! The marriage is to be when he's knighted! Isn't that fantastic?" Nicola, her pale cheeks flushed with red excitement as she announced her engagement to her God brother._

Ricky, Shane and the knight Brett didn't recognize (but who had rather large ears, like Andrew) ran after him. Brett stumbled into the rooms of the Bracken Point's. 

He hammered on Nicola's door. It fell open.No one was there but Brad. "I can't find her." Stammered a very distressed Brad. Brett just turned and ran, harder than he had ever before.He slammed down the door to Andrew's room. 

He looked inside and started to shake. 

Nicola was on the floor, in a pool of blood. Her dress was ripped, Her beautiful tanned face covered in bruises. He heard the gasps of the others. 

"Someone keep Brad and Nathan away. Get the palace Guard. Tell the king." Shane's voice shook. 

"I'll go." The knight who Brett didn't know spoke softly, as if what they saw wasn't real.

"Thanks Adam." Whispered Shane. It hit Brett who the knight was. Sir Adam of Gilchrist Garden, the finest jouster in the land. Adam left. And Brett was forced to stare at Nicola again. 

It was obvious she'd been raped. The ripped dress and bruised thighs accounted for that. 

"Brett…"her voice. Quieter than a whisper. He went to her side. 

"Nicola, what happened?" He fought back tears. Pulled her head into his lap.

"He…Andrew grabbed me after the ball last night. Left a ransom. Beat…raped…killed…"she motioned to a long dagger cut in her side. 

"No…please…" But Brett knew he was to late.

"Tell my family…tell Brad…I love them…love you too…"And she was gone. And the words were ripped out of Brett. "No! You can't go!" The whole palace stopped, hearing his screams. 

Nathan heard Brett and knew what had happened. He put his head in his hands.The tears came faster. He was dimly aware of Mark talking to someone called Adam. 

"Nathan, listen to me. I'm taking you to the infirmary, okay?" Nathan didn't hear him. He walked, silently, following Mark. He wasn't lead to the infirmary. He was taken to the Kings quarters. He was left there, in a seat, waiting for his family. 

Brett still wasn't crying. He sat quietly on his heels, looking at Nicola. She had been so beautiful. Lively blue eyes, long blonde hair. And she was gone. 13 years old and gone.One of his best friends. Gone. It hit him. And the tears came. Shane gripped his shoulders. 

Brett and Nathan. Both gasping for air.

Brett walked into the king's chambers. He couldn't get her blood off his hands.

Nathan stood there. Eyes bloodshot. Eyes asking: "is this real?" Brett nodded.

Nathan sunk back on to the chair. 

"I'm sorry. If I'd gotten there faster." Brett was filled with guilt. Nathan looked at him. Spoke in a hoarse whisper. "Never, ever say it was your fault. It was that son of a whore, Caddick's fault." Brett was numb. Nathan was numb. Until he looked down and saw he was wearing the shirt that she'd given him last midsummer. And the tears started again. 

"Hey, Nathan, weren't we taught boys don't cry?" Bret tried feebly. 

Nathan didn't make a noise, like the court ladies when they cried. The tears came silently. Alexandria, Nathan's mother approached them. She wasn't crying. Her grief seemed beyond tears. She enveloped them in a warm hug. 

"There, there, we don't know if she's dead yet. She may still be alive." 

Brett realized then that Alexandria didn't know. 

_ _


	6. the blame game

Dragging out the Pain

Brett pulled roughly out of Alexandria's embrace. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from saying: "She's gone. I saw it."

Nathan on the other hand, stayed in the warm, safe embrace of his mother. Brett wished he was far, far away, in a place were he could forget what he'd seen.

"Are you alright?" Damien was beside him, eyes full of worry. 

"No. Gods, it was awful." Brett began to shiver. 

"Come over here, we can talk." Damien and Brett sat down on the ground, beside a suit of armour. 

"Was it bad?" Brett nodded.

"She was all bruised and broken. One of my best friends. How could I let that happen?" Brett put his head in his hands. 

"There wasn't much you could do." 

"If I'd gotten there earlier. Or if I had the gift. She didn't deserve to die like that." Bitterness in his voice. Blood on his hands.

**Hold my hand.**

**Protect me from the glare.**

** **

He wanted to scream. He wanted to feel again. Damien was saying something. Brett didn't hear. 

Kiss my cheek

**Treat me like a kid. **

** **

"Brett. Brett!" Damien sounded worried. Brett had slumped down and wasn't responding

Tell me a fable

**Spoon-feed me lies.**

** **

Shane rushed to his brother's side. Shook him. Alexandria pushed smelling salts under his nose. Didn't work. Nathan spoke to him. No answer. 

Don't wanna grow up Wanna stay here Eliza was there; stroking his face, telling him would be alright. Her ruby red lips connected with his chapped lips.Her hair was soft and silky, soothing his face. 

Wanna disappear

**Nobody needs me anyway.**

** **

He tried to speak, but she put a finger to his lips. She reached down. Pulled the dagger from her belt. The bloodstained dagger. Nicola's blood. 

Pack my bags

**Put on my coat**

** **

She stabbed him. He looked at her. Confusion all over his face. 

And she turned. And kissed Andrew. They melted away. Leaving Brett behind. 

Years later

**I came back**

** **

Brett stayed. The wound drizzled blood.

Shane was worried. His younger brother wouldn't wake up. He looked at Damien, who nodded back.

**But I couldn't stay**

** **

A sharp bolt passed through Brett. He moved. 

**No I couldn't say.**

** **

He woke up. Looked around at the worried faces. 

I couldn't say sorry

"I'm fine. Leave me alone." He rushed off. Wanted to get the blood of his hands. 

"What's he in such a state for? What's the blood on his hands?" Alexandria's voice was wary.

"My Lady, Nicola was found. Dead." Shane tried to be gentle. Alexandria slapped him. 

"How dare you!" Shane saw that there was no way to get her to believe him. Unless…

Adam came in. His face was pale. Shane looked at him.  
"Would my lady come to the Black God's temple? The King will see you there" Alexandria nodded. Nathan and the rest followed. 

"Brett!" He turned around. The blood wouldn't come off. She stood in front of him. He remembered his manners and bowed.

"My Lady Eliza."

"I heard what happened. Are you all right?" She came up to him and placed a hand on his cheek.

"How do you know my name? And how did you find out?" She stroked his cheek; her finger's surprisingly soft. 

"I asked one of the servants. As for the other question, I was in the Temple of the Black God, when they bought Nicola in." Her beautiful emerald eye's clouded. 

"Did they say when the funeral was?" Gods, her touch was driving him wild. 

"Tomorrow. Oh, Brett I'm so sorry. I know she was a friend." Her chestnut hair fell in front of her face, and he pushed it back behind her ear. He looked into her face, and saw no evil in it.   
"Kiss me." She whispered it so lightly. 

He pushed his lips to hers, very lightly, not hard, like he longed to do. 

They broke apart.

"Damn you! I push all the other boys away, so you could be my first kiss and that's the best you can do?" Eliza's cheek's flushed with anger. Brett bent his head again and let go. He let the guilt out and let the passion in. She responded eagerly. (A/N I'm gonna be sick) They broke apart. 

"I should go, you know to the temple." She nodded.

He watched her go. And turned around, headed for the Temple. 

Brett didn't know whether to cry, for Nicola or jump for joy, that Eliza had chosen him over the other boys. 

So he didn't do anything but walk to the temple.

A/N I wrote the poem/song. I am very disgusted with the way reviews are going. I need more I tell you, more!!!!


	7. Plug Up the Empty Hole

Plug up the Empty hole.

Nathan stood by his mother. His tears had stopped now. He had to be strong, for her sake. 

But he didn't feel strong. He didn't feel anything.    
Nathan looked at his sister. She lay on the stone slab, in a plain white shift; that hid the cause of her death. The bruises on her neck and face could be still seen. 

Nathan looked away. He pinched himself. It didn't help. He stared at the red mark on his arm. 

_I can't believe she's gone. _Nathan couldn't believe it. He expected to feel something. Anger. Grief. Guilt. Sadness. Instead there was this empty void inside him.

"Mother do I have to stay? It's to painful." He excused the lie.

His mother nodded.  Nathan walked calmly out of the Temple, down to the Palace Gardens. He looked at his reflection in the fountain. He looked older. He looked sadder. But he didn't feel sad. He felt empty.

"Why?"

He felt hands on his neck. He turned round and was pulled into a rough kiss. 

He enjoyed the warm feel for a moment, then spluttered and pulled away. 

"What in Mithros' name were you doing?" he yelled. 

"Well, excuse me!" Eliza looked like the cat that'd got the cream. 

"Stay away from me. Go flirt with Brett or someone who'll fall for you." He knew his words were harsh and that they could get him in trouble with Lord Chappell. 

But at the moment he didn't care. He just left.   

Brett watched his friend kiss Eliza. Nathan looked like he was enjoying it. Brett turned his head away. When he turned it back. Eliza stood there, and Nathan's long legs were carrying him away. Brett thought he should feel something. Anger. Jealousy. He felt nothing. He ran his hands through his floppy hair.  

There was still blood on them. Her blood. He thumped his hands on the wall, hard enough to hurt. Skin cracked. Nails splintered.  And he heard bone break. He wanted to get away. Breaking his hands wouldn't help. Brett strode off to the healers. 

After that, he'd leave. Get far away from Tortall. Go to Maren.  The Roof of the world maybe. 

Nathan was in his rooms. Packing. He couldn't stay. After the funeral he'd go. Scanra. Cathrak. Travel the world. Change his name, so no one would know who he was. So none would know he'd failed. 

  


Sir Mark, his brother Baron Sir Steve, Sir Damien, Sir Shane and Sir Adam were talking to Lord Chappell. 

"So you've chosen your squires?" The men, all over 20, were addressed as if they were a gang of naughty pages. Which they had been, only a few years ago. 

"We Have" they chorused.

"Very well. Around the room, one at a time, no shouting."

Sir Steve went first. He was a quiet man, who was very discreet. "I request the page Michael of Cape Kasprowiz."

Sir Shane went next "Ricky of Ponting Place, please" 

Sir Adam: "I'd like Brad of Haddin head"

Sir Damien: "Brett of Lake Lee"

"Very well. Sir Mark what's your choice?"  
Mark drew a deep breath. He wasn't sure how everyone would react, although Shane would probably flip, "Nathan. Nathan of Bracken Point." He was right. Shane flipped. "Be reasonable! The boy's just lost a sister! He probably will want to stay with his family." Mark knew Shane was like Nathan's older Brother, as the boy had been born in second son, twelve years after the older brother had been born. But Nathan was the squire he'd been looking for. Calm, collected, excellent fighter, logical, strong. Mark tuned back in to what Sir Adam was saying.  
 "On the contrary, Shane, Nathan would probably love the chance to get out of the palace. A couple of weeks in the fresh air, with no gossip or anything like that." 

"Enough!  You can each have the squire you've asked for. I would ask though, that Mark, Adam and Damien refrain from asking the boys before the funeral." And that was that. Lord Chappell had spoken. 

 The men filtered out in the hall, Steve coming to talk to his brother.

"Why'd you chose Nathan?" Steve kept his voice quiet, so that the pages passing couldn't hear him.  

"Why'd you chose Michael? You've only been here a couple of days."

"I chosen Michael because he exhibits the qualities I'm looking for." Steve had an innocent twinkle in his eye.

"Get away with you! Pull the spoon out of your arse and speak plain man!" Mark hated it when his brother spoke like that, all pompous and lord like.  

"Fine. I wanted Michael, because he's a good archer, horse rider and other fighting skills, which will be good, because we've been getting bandits. Also because his father was my knight master, so I feel I have a debt to repay. Now give me your reason."  
Mark scowled. "I want Nathan to be my squire because he seems right. I know he's not that good at sword fighting yet, but he's got the potential.  And he's excellent at planning tactics and attacks and other things like that. There, satisfied?" Steve permitted himself a tiny grin, and ruffled his brother's hair. 

  


Damien and Adam were behind Mark and Steve. 

"So, what did you do with Andrew?" Damien's face became defensive, as if he didn't want to answer Adam's question. In reply Adam gave Damien his impression of their old History teacher, Sir Richard "Richie" of fief Benaud. 

"It's important to answer a knights question. Oh, careful of that, oh! Super catch Damien!"

Damien laughed. "Oh, all right, I'll tell. I patched him up as good as I could and then gave him to the palace guard. Happy?"  

"You're too kind for your own good, Sir Damien of Fleming Forest"   
"I'm only kind to make up for your malice, Sir Adam of Gilchrist Garden." Adam yelled his shock at that comment and chased his friend down the corridor, as they had done some many times when they were pages. 

Nathan had finished packing his bags when he heard a crash. Expecting more trouble from Andrew he took his sword, SwiftSlayer, from its sheath and opened his door. He saw two knights wrestling. 

"I'll get you Flemmo!"

"Oh really! Somehow I don't think that's going to happen, Mark!" Nathan walked up to the two knights and asked,

"Is there a problem?" The two knights stopped fighting. 

"Yes! This pathetic excuse for a human being seems to think that Prince Roald will pick Lady Eliza of Callas for his wife. I say Lianne of...umm..." Mark trailed off.

"Princess Lianne of Maren." Nathan supplied. 

"Yes…get off me, you oaf, I'm not some brainwashed court lady or anything…" Damien threw Mark off him. "So, Nathan, who do you think Roald will chose?"   
Nathan smiled. It seemed these two knights hadn't grown up. " I think Mark's right. And anyway, Brett will be heartbroken if Eliza marries Roald."  
"But Eliza's dowry's huger, she's prettier and she's not as argumentative as Lianne. Not that being argumentative is a bad thing." Damien dodged to move out of the way as Mark lunged at him. Nathan felt some feeling come back into his body. The two knights had the same sort of temper as Nicola. He smiled again. Seemed the gods were making him feel again.

"Woohoo…Nathan…Do you know where Brett is?" Damien was speaking to him. Nathan shook himself, and then shook his head, bitterly. It always came back to Brett. Damien was gone now, leaving Mark and Nathan. 

"What's wrong? I mean I know what's wrong… but there's something else." Mark looked at the boy, full of curiosity.

"What's wrong? Nothing apart from the fact my sister's dead!" Mark showed frustration at hearing that. "Look, mate, I know. And I'm sorry. Nicola was a friend. But She's not the only one upsetting you, is she?"

Heheheheeeeeeee read on mortals and PLEAZE REVIEW!!!


	8. I want to Scream

I WANT TO SCREAM

"Look, if you really have to know, I'm sick of Brett. I'm sick of the way every girl looks at him and goes "wow". I'm sick of how every adult's always worried about him. I hate how he's always picked for everything and I get left behind. I hate how I'm better than him and everyone pretends that it's not true. I hate how my sister was murdered today, and all anyone could do was make a fuss about Brett and ignore the fact that Nicola's dead." Nathan shouted.  "But you know what I hate most? I hate how I can't stand him but I'm still his friend. Because he used to be different. Then he went and got a spoon shoved up his arse. Look at Me; I'm Brett Bloody Lake Lee!  I have a million girls swooning over me, I'm the best at everything." Mark didn't look shocked, like Nathan had expected him to.

Nathan looked at Mark. Silence. "Say something, damn you! Tell me I'm wrong, how could anyone not like Brett? Tell me I'm right, that Brett is a prick and that we'd all be better off if he went and married Eliza and disappeared to Callas and never came back. Say something." Mark said nothing. Nathan turned and ran.

"Come out Ricky. How much did you hear?" Mark turned his attention to a potted plant. "How'd my Lord now I was there?" Ricky stepped out from behind the potted plant in the hallway. "Potted plants don't have arms. Now, how much did you hear?"  
"All of it." 

"And what is your opinion?"

"I like Brett. But Nathan's more likeable and approachable; Sir, and I think that Nathan's got good right to blow up like that. You'd go crazy, being Brett's best friend, with all the attention he gets, m'Lord. And it's not just attention for being the supposed best at everything. Andrew beats him up a lot. But he beats Nathan up more. Nathan just doesn't tell anyone, but I've seen the bruises and the scars." Ricky finished, and looked at Mark.   
"Ricky, I think Sir Shane's made an excellent choice. Go and see him now, would you?" Ricky bowed and ran off. Mark walked in the direction Nathan had run, thinking very hard about what the two boys had told him.  His opinion of Nathan as a good person didn't change for the bad. In fact, it strengthened. Nathan had encouraged Brett to do his best. He hadn't complained. He'd been a rock. Unfortunately for Nathan, rocks could crumbled, and fade away. And that was what had happened. Mark turned a corner, and bumped into Brett.

"Sorry, Sir Mark." The boy had lip rouge marks all over his face, and his neck had bites all over it.

"Don't worry about it. Sir Damien's looking for you. I suggest you go find him." Brett nodded and the two walked off. Mark soon found himself in the Royal stables. 

"Oy! Nathan! " Mark yelled out to the boy, who was about to mount a horse. 

"Oh, no you don't." Mark ran, and dived, grabbed the horse's reins. 

"What did you go and do that for?" Nathan's voice was harsh. 

"You, are going to be a squire, and then a knight. The greatest. And you're going to be my squire. Go it? Good. Now get off the horse and come and talk to Brett." Nathan glowered but got off the horse. He followed Mark silently. Mark led him to the Lesser Library. Damien was there, with Brett. Nathan couldn't look at him.

"Mark, what are you doing here?" There was surprise in Damien's voice

"I can smell you a mile off, you reek of horse dung." Damien's face broke into a smile, at his friend's usual greeting and replied; "Could say the same for you. What do you want?" Mark inclined a head at the two pages, and simply said "outside."

Damien stood, and the men went outside. Brett couldn't look at Nathan. So he let his mind travel back to what had happened when he'd gotten out of the infirmary.__

**A/N all the chapter headings (plug up an empty hole, bad start to a beautiful day, ball-part 1, the ball part2, The blame game, I want to scream, in fact all the chapter titles are titles of poems and songs of mine that I might put up on fanfiction someday if I can be bothered **


	9. I speak the truth

I SPEAK THE TRUTH

Brett walked out of the infirmary, hands healed, and the blood gone. 

He saw Eliza, and looked at her quizzically. She'd smiled. 

"That kiss with your friend, I was teasing you Brett." And then she'd kissed him. And they'd gone back to her room and done things Brett had done with other court ladies, only never this good. The experience had left him lightheaded, slightly tired and with bite marks all over his shoulders. But gods, it had been fantastic.  They'd done everything but the big thing, because she'd passed out, but it didn't matter, he'd already slept with some court lady a couple of weeks ago. So Brett left a note, saying he really had to go. 

And then he'd bumped into Sir Mark. Went and saw Sir Damien, who asked him to be his squire. He accepted, and then Nathan and Mark came into the room. And he was embarrassed, because Nathan wouldn't look at him. 

            The two friends sat in silence, instead of the usual jokes and laughter.

Finally Brett said: "Is Sir Mark going to be your knight master?" Nathan nodded. 

"Sir Damien's going to be mine." Nathan rolled his eyes, as if the subject bored him. 

Brett changed tactics. "I'm going in the archery contest this coming Friday. Did you get picked?" Then he remembered, archery was something Nathan found difficult, because he was a left-hander (a/n lefties rule!) "Oh, sorry, forgot, archery's not your strong point." And then Nathan was a millimeter away from Brett's nose. And when Bret looked in his friend's eyes, he saw cold hard fury. 

"You boastful asshole. I've always been better. Just never try. I could have gone in the trials for the contest, but no, Brett gets selected on the grounds that he's the good looking one, who sucks up to the teachers." Brett was getting scared. "Do you want to know something Brett? You have a spoon up your arse. You used to be a completely different person. You used to be nice. You used to be just like me. But that wasn't enough, being one of the best. Oh, no, you had to be the best, so you could sleep with the girls. So you'd be the most popular. So Andrew would stop picking on you. And he didn't. But he beat me harder. As if you'd believe that. No one could be beaten harder than me. No one. Well, remember that week I disappeared. He broke my bloody leg. And you didn't even care. So until you can prove you do care, I see no reason to be friends with you." Nathan lent back. 

  "Goodbye Brett. Thanks ever so much for all you've done for me. I have so much self confidence, thanks to you."  
"You're not going to kill me are you?" Fear could be heard in his voice.

Nathan didn't answer, just left the room. Brett could hear him ask Mark if he and Damien were done yet. He heard them leave. Damien came back into the library. 

"Something wrong?" Brett shook his head. 

"Good. We won't be leaving for Fleming Forest until August, so you'll have time to relax. See you later." Damien left Brett in the Lesser Library.

_I am a weakling, _

_Fighting everyone_

_Fighting lies_

_My ammo runs low_

_And Still I walk on_

_This war has to be won_

_Captured I stand_

_In chains_

_The enemy's prize_

_When the war is over_

_I am not believed. _

_Yet I speak the truth_

_Because I have nothing else. _

_I was the only solider left_

_And I fought on._

_For truth._

 

*~*~*


	10. Tell Me What To Feel

**Tell me what to feel. **

Brett stayed in the Lesser Library all night, thinking.   
_Nathan's right. I have changed. But I didn't change for the worse, did I?  
_He stayed awake all night. Alone. 

Sunlight filtered through the windows of the Library. And that was where Sir Richie of Benaud found Brett.

"Brett, can I talk to you?" Brett shrugged. The older man, about 40, continued; "Brett, I heard what Nathan said yesterday. I hate to say it, but he's right. You changed. And you hurt Nathan by doing that. Nathan needed you to be a real friend, not someone that you bragged to. Why do you think he always challenged you to those long-staff duels? So he could prove he was better than you at something. A little competitiveness in a friendship is good, but too much and look what happens. Now, I'm not saying you need to change, but maybe you need to slow down. Nominate Nathan for things. Encourage him. Work at building your friendship back to when it used to be fun." Sir Richie looked at Brett who nodded. 

"I'll try."  
"Good lad. Now, I suggest you go and get changed for the funeral." Another nod and they left the library.

**Sorry that was so short but I have had the HUGE drama project, and I haven't had much time to write**


	11. Leave Me Broken and Bitter

LEAVE ME BROKEN AND BITTER

Nathan stood between his Mother and Brad. His mother was openly weeping, while Brad shook. Nathan put a hand on his friends shoulder. 

The king, his queen and Prince Roald stood opposite him. All six were dressed in black, setting off their features. The King's sapphire eyes, the queen's pale skin, Roald's coal black hair, Brad's long, drawn face, Alexandria's flaming red hair and purple eyes. And Nathan's blond hair, so like his sisters, and the blue eyes that seemed almost violet today. 

In the background, Brett stood, dressed in somber gray and black. Beside him stood Eliza, gripping his hand. She was dressed in lavender(a/n this is a Tortallan mourning colour-read 4th Song of the Lioness.), but did not seem sad. 

The Priest of the Black God began the incantation, and Nicola was lowered into the ground. Nathan, Alexandria and Brad threw the dirt in. Brett could tell that Nathan was struggling to hide his feelings. Looking around, Brett realized that half the court was here, dressed in somber colours. He knew why. Nicola had been very outgoing and friendly. She'd befriended everyone-the king to the servants.

Finally the funeral was over, and Brett went up to Brad.   
Brad still had the shakes. Brett hugged his friend. Brad gripped his hand, in a brothers of arms grip, his eyes full of thanks. Brett looked around for Nathan. He'd left. Brett knew where he'd be. He excused himself from Eliza. He walked to Andrew's rooms. The blood hadn't been cleaned off the floor, and Andrew hadn't been back. Nathan stood in the doorway. His expression cold. Brett stood beside him. If he closed his eyes, he'd see her, lying there. Brett bit his lip. 

"Hello Brett." Nathan's voice had no feeling. 

"'Lo Nathan." Brett managed to mumble, trying to disguise the fact he'd made his lip bleed. 

"Look, Nathan, I want to say sorry. I want to say that you're right.  I changed. And I still want to be friends. Do you think we can?" Nathan shrugged.   
 "Dunno, I'm going away. I'll be back in three weeks, for the trial. If you remember me then, maybe." Brett felt a weight lift from his chest. 

He looked at Nathan, but he was gone.

Nathan was back in his rooms. Nicola had gone, the real Brett had gone and left him with this stupid little prat. By the Crooked God, he was glad to be getting out of the palace.

Nathan and Mark rode their horses out into the royal forest, heading for Naxen, to visit friends of Marks. On the way, Mark tried to get Nathan to talk. But Nathan seemed to have developed a one-word vocabulary. "mmnn" was the only thing Mark could get him to say. 

"You're angry at Nicola, aren't you?" Mark asked it quietly.

"Yes. I am." Nathan was surprised by Mark's question, and it made him speak the truth. 

"I know the feeling. When father died, it was all I could do not to attack his corpse." They rode on in silence for a while, until Nathan said: "I hate the fact she's stopped me from feeling anything. I just feel empty, like nothing'll fill up the gap she's left. And the fact that she's left me." Mark nodded. Nathan stopped, and the rest of the journey was in silence. 

**It's not fair.**

**You never said you'd go.**

**You promised me safety**

**And left me bitter and broken.**

**When we were friends**

**Everything made sense**

**And now you've left me**

**And I'm bruised **

**The bottles don't offer any resolution**

**Cause when you're bitter and broken**

**Nothin' saves you from the pain**

**And I've tried everything**

**But I'm still **

**Lying in wait for you**

**Thinking only of the fun**

**But there's the untold nights of**

**Pain and black eyes**

**And now you've left me**

**Lying on the sidewalk**

**I'm bitter and broken**

**But I'll heal. **

And Nathan knew he'd heal. Eventually.

A/N: That song wasn't written by JUST me. A friend, who wishes to remain anon, wrote some of it. Oh, and it wasn't the whole song. You'll have to wait until we get an album out. (if ever)   


	12. Will You Remember...?

Will You Remember Me? 

Nathan and Mark were halfway to Naxen, when a man, dressed in rags, stopped them.

"Hear me, Hear me, I bring a tale of an evil, that will come to Tortall." Mark signaled for them to stop.

"What news, old man?"   
 "News of a sorcerer, by the name of Marcus." Mark's eyebrows rose.

"This wouldn't be Marcus, Lord of Trescothick Isle?"  
"Aye, that be the man. He comes to wreck havoc for the young knights."  
Mark's eyebrow's retreated into his forehead. 

"Thank you for the news, old one." Mark tossed a few gold coins at the man, who caught them, and bit them, to make sure that the coins were real  

They rode on, until it began to get dark. 

"We'll camp here for the night, we won't need tents, and it looks clear." Nathan nodded and dismounted, as did Mark. They rolled out their bedrolls, stoked up a fire and made some stew. Finally Mark asked; "Do you want to go to Cathrak? We'd come back for the trial, of course." Nathan sat in stunned silence. He'd only been on a boat once before in his life. He didn't even remember it.   
 "Or we could go to the Bahzir land." Nathan shrugged. He didn't feel like talking.

"Mithros…shield, Nathan, can't you even try to act interested?" Nathan looked up. Mark was juggling 2 apples and an orange. Nathan smiled weakly. He was missing, not surprisingly, Brett. He wondered if Brett was missing him.

BACK IN THE PALACE  
  


"Brett of Lake Lee!" Brett and Eliza paused in their, umm, kissing, looking out the door of the broom cupboard to see who was there. It was Shane. Eliza held up a hand, and the air around her shimmered silver.   
"Say something" she whispered. 

"I'm over here Shane." Brett's voice sounded as if it came from his room. 

Shane sighed and turned around, trotted down the halfway. Brett jumped out of the cupboard, kissed Eliza goodbye and sauntered into his room. Shane was there, an impatient look on his face.

"And just WHAT where you doing?" Brett fixed his features in his best innocent expression, which incidentally was the same expression he used when imitating Lord Lawry. "I was busy, dear brother. What do you want?"  
"I have news."  
 "Of what sort. Tell me brother, I do entreat thee, is it good or bad. Tell me nought if it be ill, tell me all if it be well." Shane arched an eyebrow at his brother's theatrics. 

"Well, the new is this…" Shane bent his head, and whispered into his brother's ear.  

Brett walked out of his room, a hurt expression on his face. Nathan was going to Cathrak. Until the trial, which would be in 2 months. But that hadn't been the worst news. The worst news was that Harold of Stone Mountain, a 2nd year squire, who was squire to Sir Michael of Atherton, would be going with Nathan and Mark. Harold and Nathan had a bad track record. They had jousted against each other once, which had left Nathan with a twisted ankle, after Harold had shoved him off his horse. The two had had long staff fights, which Nathan usually won.  But Harold was one of Caddick's cronies, so there could be trouble for Nathan… _Why should you care? He hates you? _The treacherous, evil part of his mind whispered to him. _I care…because I just do…_ Brett was never good at logical explanations.


End file.
